SOME IDEAS FOR TEENAGERS AND PARENTS TO BECOME BETTER LISTENERS
- Pay attention! Look at the person talking to you. Do not interrupt.
- Do not form immediate judgements about the "rightness" or "wrongness" of what the other person is saying.
Put yourself in your teenager's/parent's shoes. "The ear that accepts is better first than the tongue that suggests."
- Listen for what is NOT said. Ask the other person to clarify or be more specific. What a person hesitates to say is often
the most critical part.
What is the tone of voice saying? What need is not being met but being expressed in non-verbal ways?
- Keep your own emotions (anger, hurt, enthusiasm) from interfering with your listening efficiency.
If you get "hot under the collar,"
it will always cause you to distort what the other person is saying.
- Final point: effective communication takes time and patience. It takes regularly scheduled time so
you can
share your wants, needs, thoughts and concerns in a physically and psychologically "safe" environment.
Probably the most difficult task adjusting to the unpredictability of teenage moods and behavior. Parents must
"play it by ear" as they find themselves dealing with a child one minute and a responsible adult the next.
Both they and their teen experience this "yo-yo" effect. They must maintain a balance of flexibility with
enough control to help adolescents regulate their inner impulses.