The Art of Diffusing Anger

To vent or not to vent; that is the question......

Are angry feelings best released in an explosive outburst or quietly suppressed using grit-your-teeth tactics?

The debate rages on, even within psychological circles, fueled in part of a controversial book, Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion, by social psychologist Carol Tavris, PhD.

Dr. Tavris challenges popular beliefs that suppressed anger is dangerous to health. Blowing your top can be far more damaging than keeping your cool, she says. For example, men who are at high risk from heart disease - the so-called Type A personalities - usually overexpress their anger.

"Two aspects of Type A, competitive drive and impatience, were associated with the eventual occurrence of heart disease," Dr. Tavris reports. "The men risking illness were also more likely than healthier men to direct their anger outward and to become angry more than once a week.

Another study, this one conducted at the University of Michigan School of Public Health, measured the effects of anger expression, suppression, and "cool reflection" on blood pressure. Results, again, pointed thumbs down on hot heads. According to Ernest Harburg, Ph.D., chief investigator, the men who kept their cool - who acknowloedged their anger but were not openly hostile, verbally or physically - had lower blood pressure than men who either bottled up their anger or became openly hostile.

Dr. Harburg further described the "cool reflective" approach as one in which the provoker and the provoked calm down first, then discuss the conflict reasonably with their goal frmly set on resolution. In other words, if you can get at the problem, you can solve the conflict.

HEALTHY STEPS TO ANGER RELEASE

1.)  Recognize the anger your feeling. That may sound simple enough, but in all too many cases it's the biggest obstacle we face. "Anger may be denied because we feel too guilty about it, or afraid of it," says Dr. Leo Madow. As a result, the feeling is turned inside where it festers.

 

2.)  Decide what made you angry. Ask yourself the very important question: Is this worth getting angry over? If it's a small annoyance that's ticked you off - as it is in the majority of angry episodes - forget it. If you can't forget it, then perhaps the source of your anger goes beyond this simple incident. Go within yourself and search out the under-lying cause of your hostility. Bring your feelings to the surface and deal with them.

 

3.)  Give the "provoker" the benefit of the doubt. Instead of inflaming your anger by feeding yourself such thoughts as "Who does he think he is for treating me in this underhanded way!" suggest to yourself that perhaps this person is having a bad day. Come up with a reasonable justification for the behavior - something that you can understand and relate to.